I am a maker of pretty things mostly. They bring me joy and brighten the day. After having searched in myself for some pretty idea, I usually feel better in any situation.
Sometimes, though, there is only ugliness and pain. Or it seems this way, which, in any case, means I am stuck and not creating. Yet at the same time I know that creating sets my pained self free.
One time last year I had hit a very hard crisis with my sweetie. I was ready to let our relationship go, because of all the pain and stuck. Needless to say the ugliness blocked my creative outlet. Fortunately I had a chance to be on a call with the lovely Melissa Dinwiddie that week and she encouraged me to just play with things I don’t usually play and see what happens.
You can see what happened at the top of this post. It is crocheted, wired, paper macheed, feathered and painted. All from things I had in the house. It is kind of ugly but it is free. And it took the weight from me and let me breathe more easily again. I figured out that I do fine on my own, that I do not depend on a romantic relationship and that I enjoy being on my own.
In the end my sweetie and I got back together, we are tighter than ever and have a relationship that I am happy to be a part of. Because I learned to be loved enough in myself, to not depend on approval from him, I get to chose to be with him each day anew. All because I played with something new and gave the ugly legitimacy.
Cross published on http://thenakedalpaca.com