“Hi”, I said to the sparkling creature in the tinkling river.
“Hi”, she said back.
“And you are Abundance?”
She responded with a tinkling laugh, stretching her full body in the eddies and recesses of the stream.
“Tell me about yourself”
“You already know everything you need to know about me.”
“Really?”
Again she laughed at me.
“Abundance is clarity, enough, joy, play, flow, safety, giving and receiving, strength, possibility, choice, delight.”
“Yes.”
“And it is everywhere, even though you are the Naiad of this stream that is also called Abundance.”
“Yes.”
“You are different from excess. Excess is suffocating and chaotic and depressing.”
“Abundance is in the blossoms that bloom this spring, in the rain, in the people that live in this city. All the things they own are excessive though. But sharing things is abundant.”
“Yes.”
“To live with Abundance, I need to let Abundance flow through me. I become a doorway, instead of a container.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure that I understand.”
Abundance sighs. “You are trying to understand with your head. The same head that has all these ideas about things that are necessary and crucial and about scarcity and guilt.”
“It’s not going to work, is it?”
“No.”
“I need to experience the ways that Abundance is already present in my life, in the world, in me. And look for the ways that I am a doorway.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you Abundance.”
“You are welcome. You are always welcome.”

Vrederick

Vrederick is tall and furry with long arms, big red horns and claws. He’s not very intelligent. He used to live on the border of the big dark forest “Dissertation Writing”. If a hapless wanderer (writer) came along he would he would tell them about the horrors of the forest, the darkness, the rocks to stumble upon and the grabbing branches. If that didn’t deter the wanderer, he would start talking about all of the other forests that scared them and all the rocks already stumbled over, that those forest were way less scary than this forest and that they were in no way equipped to traverse it with those shoes and what ever made them think that they could even walk that far. You can imagine how scary and paralyzing such a meeting could be.

One day a curious wanderer came along and after retreating from the forests edge started investigating the reason that Vrederick lived by the forest and scared wanderers away. It seemed that Vrederick really believed what he was saying, he really thought the forest was full of trouble the wanderer could not brave. He was also taking lots of hardship on himself by living in such a remote place and so lonely. So maybe, thought the wanderer, his actions weren’t meant to be hurtful but were born out of love and caring and if that were the case, then maybe his behavior could be influenced to be actually helpful.

The wanderer decided to open communication and invited Vrederick to tea by the big climbing tree next to the little brook. They talked about why the wanderer wanted to cross the forest and about how it made her feel. About what other ways there could be of Vrederick and the wanderer interacting. The wanderer acknowledged Vrederick’s helpful intention and Vrederick acknowledged that his methods might be less helpful than intended. They expressed their needs for safety and caring and movement and spaciousness. After that they quietly sat next to each other for some time. Finally the wanderer suggested that Vrederick could indeed be helpful, by holding the big bright light with his long arms to illuminate the way through the forest, so that the wanderer could see the dangers, before they befell him. The wanderer promised that she would go slowly and rest as much as she needed to. Vrederick, because he isn’t very smart and couldn’t think of a different way to be helpful himself, was glad to accept this solution. Of course he reserved the right to go back to his old way if at any time he felt unsafe, or uncared for.

It went well, so Vrederick decided to leave his position at the edge of the forest and live by the big climbing tree. He no longer scares hapless wanderers, but instead holds the light to illuminate the paths of this forest and sometimes other forests as well.

.

Of coming into it.
Of accepting it.
Of slowly working to proclaim it.
Of being supported.
Of being loved.
Of not having to know how at the beginning.
Of simply loving and learning.
Of trusting.
Of still having fun (as a rodeo clown no less).
Of feeling my power even if nobody else knows of it.
Of accepting my own worth.

I woke up feeling peaceful and rested. The power was still working in me. And it demanded a queen’s crown, I have outgrown the princess tiara. So I searched my crafting stash and the dark corners of my apartment and then I made myself a crown and poured into it declarations of sovereignty and strength and wishes of love and compassion. And I crowned myself and danced a silly dance in socks and my queen’s crown.

When I finish this piece of text, then I am allowed to go for a walk.
When I grow up, then I will travel the world.
When I have more money, then I will quit my job and work for that important NGO.
When the weather is better, then I will go out and exercise to get fit and run the marathon.
Only when I give up myself, then will this relationship succeed.

*************
Wen Zen was a little monk living on a large mountain with a universe of patience. For millennia he lived on his mountain and waited patiently for the stars to align in just the right way. It was his life’s purpose to do just that. One day, when the stars were just right, he packed his rice bowl, a warm robe and a walking stick and climbed off the mountain into the big city sprawling at its feet.

The city felt very different. Everywhere people where going about their business, doing, shouting, making appointments and never did they look up at the stars to see if they had chosen an auspicious moment for their endeavors. Confused Wen Zen sat down on the steps in front of an ice cream parlor. A few people stopped and asked him if he needed help, some scoffed at him, but mostly they assumed he was a mentally disabled homeless man and ignored him.

At night when the owner of the ice cream parlor closed up shop Wen Zen was still siting there. The man, Louis, took pity on him and took him under his wing. He lived over the ice cream parlor and gave Wen Zen the couch to sleep on. This ice cream parlor just so happened to be the best ice cream parlor in the whole entire world.

Wen Zen and Louis became fast friends. Each day Louis invited Wen Zen into the ice cream parlor, each day he asked him what ice cream he would like to try and each day Wen Zen answered that he would look at the stars to see what he should try. But there were no stars to be seen in this city that lit up the sky with its multitude of lights. So each day Wen Zen declined, because he was not sure whether today was the right day for raspberry, mango, or, indeed, any ice cream at all. Sixty years were spent like this, until one day Louis died.

After that there was no more ice cream.

Back on the mountain Wen Zen could finally look at the stars again, but he could no longer read them, because his eyes were perpetually clouded by tears. In the throes of grief he threw himself off the mountain and his body shattered on the crags and cliffs of its sides. The kind universal spirit took pity on him, much like Louis had sixty years ago, and gently folded his spirit into her arms, as she was wont to do all lost souls.

But to this day echoes of Wen Zen reverberate off the sides of the mountain into the world, where sometimes they will catch an unsuspecting ear and whisper.

“When Then.”

*************

Wen Zen’s echoes have whispered into my ears more times than I care to admit. Sometimes they turn into laziness and sometimes they turn into fear.

But it is really really important to remember that the internal stars we use to navigate across our internal map, are ours to move into the right position.